


If I Said The Words In My Head

by fatinmary



Series: The Long and Short of It All [1]
Category: Darcyland - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bucky is an idiot and he knows it, Heartbreak, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:23:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatinmary/pseuds/fatinmary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew he made a mistake the moment he let her go. Though his ego got the better of him, he would never say he was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Said The Words In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters and the Marvel universe. I wish I did. I wish I was Stan Lee.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> This is unbeta-ed and written during a sleepless work night. Hence all mistakes and weird-assed storyline is mine.

He hated this place. He hated being here. He hated being surrounded by all the politicians and socialites and having people not-so-subtly stare at him, or more specifically his metal arm. They gave a tight smile and polite nods, however he can still hear the whispers no matter how hard he tried to block it. He can see the wide-eyed stares, the looks of disdain, as if he belonged to a circus and not here. If only they knew he could easily _end_ them ... they probably _did_ know from the way they were all avoiding him as if he was a disease. He never wanted to come here in the first place. He didn't belong here, not with these kind of people, not with this type of crowd.

 

_"I hate you."_

 

Her words still rang in his ears and still stung him like venom. He downed his glass of champagne and snagged another glass from a passing waiter. He wished he didn't sneer at her in response.

 

_"You know you're no good at lies, doll."_

 

 His head snapped up when he heard Thor's boisterous laugh booming from across the room. He can see the astrophysicist, Jane Foster, by his side. Both were probably regailing tales of Asgard to the eager young socialites surrounding them. The rest of the eager young socialites were surrounding a clearly uncomfortable Steve. And their eagerness were totally for a different reason.

He stared at the glass of champagne in his hand. She didn't like champagne. She prefered red wine. "It's like drinking the blood of my enemies," she once joked in front of a shocked Steve. He fell in love with her right there and then. His eyes roamed the crowd looking for a familiar face -  _her_ familiar face. But she was nowehere to be seen. He downed the drink in one gulp and walked towards the balcony. He needed the fresh air. He needs to get out of here.

He stood staring into the night sky. It was an empty sky - no stars in sight. Great.

 

_"You have no right, James. No fucking right!"_

 

He grasped the railings and bent his head down. Willing for the cold night breeze to wash away the memories. To wash away his regrets.

He cast his eyes downwards and saw a woman hailing a cab. It was the same cold, dark, starless night that she pakced up her things and went away in a cab and he didn't hear from her again. 

 

_"You're an asshole. A stupid, fucking, idiotic asshole!"_

 

That was the last thing she ever said to him. No goodbyes, no farewells. And he had stood there motionless. Wordlessly watching her leave. She was right. He was a stupid, fucking, idiotic asshole. He was a stupid, fucking, idiotic asshole for letting her go. He was a stupid, fucking, idiotic asshole for not saying what he should have said. He was a stupid, fucking, idiotic asshole for saying what he shouldn't have said. It has been three years but the pain was still fresh and his heart was still broken. Occasionally she would call Jane or email Stark or even text the other guys. Never him. "She's doing OK," they would tell him. "She sends her regards," Jane would tell him. He knew it was a lie but he smiled in gratitude anyway.

"Didn't think you'd be able to escape your fangirls, Steve-o." he said as the blonde man came up beside him. Steve merely shrugged and smiled lopsidedly. "I have my ways." "Natasha?" he enquired. Steve shook his head. "Clint," was his simple answer. Bucky's raised an eyebrow. "I needed a distraction. Clint gave me one," Steve said with a smirk.

Steve put his hand on his friend's shoulder. Steve knew he needed some level of comfort. Even though his ego was too big to admit it. His ego. The source of his downward spiral. The reason why she left. It was because of his ego that he held back his tongue. She waited for him to utter the words she needed to hear. But it never came and she never looked back. 

 


End file.
